That day, I had went through my facebook and deleted ALOT of people. most who I used to associate with when I lived in Omaha. There only a few that I considered near and dear to my heart did I keep from my past life.
Today one of these friends gets online and we start chatting it up a bit. I have known Ted for at least 5 years. I knew from the beginning that he wanted more then friendship. I just did not see him the same way he saw me. but for a long time, he was respectful about it. he was the one I would go to, to cry on his shoulder. he has seen me go loser after loser. besides that, we would joke around, and flirt. but that as far as it has ever went. I eventually, did sleep with him,which I sorta regret doing now, because now since it was only once and never again, that it was all him, he wasnt good enough.. but that just wasnt it.. It was more i was not really ready for anything super serious since my bad breakup with a previous boyfriend.. He is the type of person who is always down because everyone else has someone and he doesnt. he just did not value what he had. I always told him that he wil find someone, just to be positive. I have suggested countless times to try to look for work, or even go to school. do something for himself. every time he has ignored my advice, so, i kinda gave up just giving it to him. But I was always still around to talk to him and listen to him.. I moved about 3 months ago, and he doesnt really get online much, so we dont talk very often. Today was probably the 3rd time i have talked to him since moving. We start conversation with the usual encounter and funny and flirty comments to each other. the he goes into his usual depressed state,
*start actual conversation*
Ted: "hell playing in traffic is bout most of the amusement i get nowadays...kinda sad... when i get to know someone long enough that im comfortable enough with them to either flirt or proposition them... the answer always no.."
Me: I know.. alot of the time it was me..
Ted: u told all the chicks here to not play around with me?? what the fuck
Me: no.. i was one that always said no
Ted: ur not the only one hon... they all been saying no...even some of our sluttier members of the group...
Me: i wish i could help you out.
Ted: ehh... shrugs u ran off and found u a family that cares for u and a life... i no begrudge u that hon...
Me: and actual happiness. i can truely say im happy without faking it for once
Ted: grins... nods like u faked it with me...
Me: that wasnt faking dear..
Ted: ya.. that y we did it so many times and sessions....hell i didnt even rate a 2nd try
Me: ted.. dont. you know im messed up when it comes to stuff like that.. why must you always make me feel bad?
Ted: im not trying to make u feel bad... im trying to figure out what the hell is so bad about me that i cant get anyone to even try...if i have someone flirting with me... i try the answer is no...always...
Me: i wish i had the answers for you but i dont
Ted: hell u cant tell me y u pretty much ran from me? even tho u were majorly after me when i first got with christina and hell most that relationship...? then u went through hell from the stories i hear hell most of the group... shit... i no understandy.... hell i no understandy anydamn thing anymore...
Me: depending what hell your talking about...
Ted: subtract the hells... lemme try it again.. from the stories i hear from when i whined to other peoples u fucked ur way through most of the group...hell even shaggy got a 2nd go round... and he made u let him take pics...u kno how fucked that is?
Me: wtf! the entire group? how dare you even assume something like that. and the pics he took, are the ones of me downtown at the wall..
ted: then shaggy lied to me when he said 1 he had sex with u for a few nights... and 2 he lied when he showed me naked pics of u... because i told him u wouldnt ever send me any...
Me: yea i was trying to start a relationship with him. thats diffrent than 'fucking through downtown' i had second thought about it though..
that truely hurt my feelings ted. I really thought you were an actual true friend.. No one has ever told me something so hurtful before. What gives you that right to talk to me like that? because you hate your life and im happy? is that it? Ive told you what to do, get a job, stop chasing after girls all the time. You cant truely be with someone until you love and respect yourself first. No one want to be with someone who is all "why me?" all the time. Stop playing the fucking victim and DO something with yourself. Just because you are not happy, does not give you the right to make other people live unhappy. NO ONE says shit like that to me. How can you say that, yet say you love me? i dont understand that..
*End Conversation*
HOW ON EARTH can someone basically call me a WHORE and call me their friend?? HOW? So again... I really need to re-evaluate the people I meet in the future. Even Raven, my ex and Liliths father, has more respect for me. So once again, i can say, I HATE fake people. And I just request that If you plan of stabbing me in the back, can you do so now and get done with it, and get out of my life? My life is way much more important to be brought down. I have a new job to start tomorrow. im busy with church.. I am happy with my life. DO NOT try to bring me down because you hate your life so much.
Thank you and have a good night
Within Temptation's Angels, for you to enjoy
Ted: ehh... shrugs u ran off and found u a family that cares for u and a life... i no begrudge u that hon...
Me: and actual happiness. i can truely say im happy without faking it for once
Ted: grins... nods like u faked it with me...
Me: that wasnt faking dear..
Ted: ya.. that y we did it so many times and sessions....hell i didnt even rate a 2nd try
Me: ted.. dont. you know im messed up when it comes to stuff like that.. why must you always make me feel bad?
Ted: im not trying to make u feel bad... im trying to figure out what the hell is so bad about me that i cant get anyone to even try...if i have someone flirting with me... i try the answer is no...always...
Me: i wish i had the answers for you but i dont
Ted: hell u cant tell me y u pretty much ran from me? even tho u were majorly after me when i first got with christina and hell most that relationship...? then u went through hell from the stories i hear hell most of the group... shit... i no understandy.... hell i no understandy anydamn thing anymore...
Me: depending what hell your talking about...
Ted: subtract the hells... lemme try it again.. from the stories i hear from when i whined to other peoples u fucked ur way through most of the group...hell even shaggy got a 2nd go round... and he made u let him take pics...u kno how fucked that is?
Me: wtf! the entire group? how dare you even assume something like that. and the pics he took, are the ones of me downtown at the wall..
ted: then shaggy lied to me when he said 1 he had sex with u for a few nights... and 2 he lied when he showed me naked pics of u... because i told him u wouldnt ever send me any...
Me: yea i was trying to start a relationship with him. thats diffrent than 'fucking through downtown' i had second thought about it though..
that truely hurt my feelings ted. I really thought you were an actual true friend.. No one has ever told me something so hurtful before. What gives you that right to talk to me like that? because you hate your life and im happy? is that it? Ive told you what to do, get a job, stop chasing after girls all the time. You cant truely be with someone until you love and respect yourself first. No one want to be with someone who is all "why me?" all the time. Stop playing the fucking victim and DO something with yourself. Just because you are not happy, does not give you the right to make other people live unhappy. NO ONE says shit like that to me. How can you say that, yet say you love me? i dont understand that..
*End Conversation*
HOW ON EARTH can someone basically call me a WHORE and call me their friend?? HOW? So again... I really need to re-evaluate the people I meet in the future. Even Raven, my ex and Liliths father, has more respect for me. So once again, i can say, I HATE fake people. And I just request that If you plan of stabbing me in the back, can you do so now and get done with it, and get out of my life? My life is way much more important to be brought down. I have a new job to start tomorrow. im busy with church.. I am happy with my life. DO NOT try to bring me down because you hate your life so much.
Thank you and have a good night
Within Temptation's Angels, for you to enjoy
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