Emotionally Broken....

I have come to the conclusion that i am indeed broken. Emotionally broken. Since Raven, then Rabbit, I have no idea how to love anymore. I have come to the point in my life that i could care less if someone came into my life and said "i love you" honestly, i wouldnt believe it. and i cant love back. Dont expect anything out of me. there is only one person on this entire planet that i love more than life itself, and i cannot see her.


Nate recently left me because he got pissed that i have not texted him in a while (when i told him from the beginning that i do not talk much.. if you really want to talk to me, text me first. otherwise.. you might not hear from me a few weeks at a time.. thats just who i am)

He also got pissed at me because i told him something that was on my chest that needed to be said... We hardly saw each other due to our different work scheduled and other things got in the way, but when i did see him, he would pick me up, maybe get something to eat, go to his place, sit for a bit and do nothing, then screw, then he'd take me home... thats it.. how is that even a relationship? Something else i told him in the beginning. I AM NOT A SEX TOY and i will not be used as such. there is so much more to me that sex. sex means NOTHING to me anymore. in fact, i would not care if i never get any ever again. it does nothing for me.. too many people have ruined it for me.. 


I no longer believe in love. I am no longer searching for 'the one'. maybe i am destined to be alone the rest of my life, and honestly, i think i would be quite happy with that. as long as i have my family and few close friends, i will be happy. i am not completely cold-hearted, but i am a little cold anymore.

Maybe this is a little extreme, but i have no idea what else there is to do..