Hate this feeling....

I really hate being depressed. the worst feeling ever. I hate how my mother treats me sometimes. Anything I do, its never good enough. I JUST lost my job, and she wants me to hurry up and find a new one, like its that easy for me. And ever since I got here, she has asked me about moving out. I thought that coming here would be a good way to get that mother/daughter relationship back that we lost over 15 years ago. I think I was wrong. Her and my brother were arguing earlier today and I felt really bad about it and I had gone down the stairs when I thought it was over, and I asked a simple question. Was the way my brother acts my fault? I can be honest, I wasn't the greatest kid growing up. So my brother saw me do things that he shouldn't have. So yes, I do.believe its my fault. But my mother had to jump down my throat,saying that I always have to butt into things that I don't belong, and I need to stop trying to be center of attention... Then she shook my faith. Saying that me going to church is only a social gathering for me, that I never learn anything, and I always have to be around everyone at all times.. She is right  that last part. I do have to be around people. There are 3 people, Robin, Maggie, and Rev. Molly, that I look up to the most, and I do always want to be around them because they are the first positive people I've been around in a long time, they are people I highly respect, and people I wish I could be just like. I don't understand why that is such a bad thing. My mother mentioned that I always have to be around someone, and I told her its because I hate being alone. I have been alone in my life alot, and I hate it. She then told me that I just basically said I hated myself. Maybe she's right. I have never really liked myself much. That's why I attach myself to people that I look up to. Its the only thing I know..seriously, what is wrong with me? And now, I don't even see the point in anything I do or believe in... I have always been wrong. Why? My life was going well until recently.. I eat everything in sight again, I hardly sleep..my life is a mess..